Last night I dreamt of horses, there was one in particular a big black and white boy with a limp…. Ok I know the technical terms are piebald and lame. – But in my dream that also heavily featured ‘the big bang theory’ it wasn’t that technical, which is strange when you think about it. It should have been more technical.

Either way it leads me on to the post I had in mind for today. Yesterday I dragged my grubby –piebald out and tried to find some soft white fur under the mud and sweat. Well once I was covered in mud and fresh sweat we found him. I then proceeded to cover him in lotions and potions in a bid to stop it getting filthy again And; I loved every second of it.

As you know I haven’t spent much time with Nas over the  last month or so, it’s been crazy and even though every year I say next year it will change it never does, I put all my energy into Christmas and family then I have none left for the horses. Sure they get the necessities and a nice big field to wander around in.

But still I know we equally enjoy the interaction, Nas is a typical man if he isn’t getting much attention he goes all grumpy and feral. Show him a brush though and he’s happy as Larry again. Maybe not so when I get the lunge line out… he’s probably thinking ‘damn I thought I was in early retirement’.

I think part of the reason I don’t keep up with the routine over busy period can be down to me not riding… sure I dream of being able to just go out of a morning and take him out for a hack before everyone wakes up. Or of an evening take him into the school -yes we have lights-.

That is what I want more than anything and the reason for me being on this diet, the problem is day in day out I am confronted with what I can’t do and I sometimes find it hard not to get down on myself.  Some days I’m fine and know that I am working on achieving my goals, other days I think I will never reach them so what’s the point of missing out on yummy cake for something that won’t ever happen.

And even if I do lose the weight In the back of my head I have the subliminal dream going around that when I can actually ride him knowing my luck he will be lame, or worse case we can’t afford to keep him anymore. So again with the ‘what’s the point’ attitude.

I know this isn’t a way to live your life, but sometimes I find it hard to keep in positive mode. And by losing my motivation I also lose sight of what’s it all about, why am I doing this! luckily all it takes is a day like yesterday or last week. And I know I’m doing it because I enjoy it why else would I be out there mucking out every day.

The thought of cantering along the beach is a distant dream. It’s what I get from Nas on a daily basis that keeps me going and even little spirit now, when I look at her she makes me smile and I’m equally looking forward to the day Horatio gets to know the feeling of riding, not just being led around.

Thinking, Dreaming, breathing horses has always come easy for me, from a young age before even having contact with horses I was drawn to them, I use listen to my Nan’s stories of how she used to ride out with her friends.

Mostly though it was in my head, I had a herd of horses and I would ride one of them, jumping the dips in the side of the road, often I would have my brother taking the mickey as my head would bob in time with the windscreen wipers. Of course if I happened to see a film or book then I was all over it.

I still am now; it doesn’t even have to be very good –with the exception of the saddle club that is disappointing- . The reason we have sky sports is so I can watch the equestrian coverage. We don’t watch any other sport ever. I tend not to watch the horse racing, this is purely because I know I would end up betting.

I have a collection of films; one of my favourite movie scenes is when Gandalf rides out on shadowfax at Minas Tirith. And a pile of educational DVD’s I will admit here to it not being necessarily about the education and more to just seeing the horses, you can often find me on the web watching a horse clip or reading the forums.

I have a stack of magazines I won’t throw out because I know one day I might need them, my book collection is building up nicely again. After having to sell them all when I was skint. I keep meaning to start my studies again and one day I will.

As you have probably gathered I’m not the most articulate and struggle to find words that convey what I feel. Fortunately Google found an amazing article after my related search. Within it I found the word ‘Sympatico’ this is what I want to achieve with Nas sure I can do it from the ground but I want to feel it again from the back of a horse whilst wandering the countryside

In a bid to explain my love affair with horses I feel I have failed but at least I’ve made a start, I don’t really know why I love them. Neither of my parents was particularly horsey and those members that were in the past were for status or as work animals.

So I can’t explain it, I was going to compare it to a rock/pop star but that would be wrong they are untouchable where as I could go out now call Nas and I know he would come running.  I like to think it’s to see me and not just to see what I have got for him… hmm that sounds a bit like Horatio.

Talking of Horatio, he might be a good example I know without fail that when he gets home later, if I said to him do you want to ride spirit… he would reply yes. Bear in mind all he does is sit on her and get led around the school, with the occasion trot.

And he would in the cold dark and even rain; he would go out there and sit on his pony!