I won’t lie, I have been toying with the idea of shutting the blog down. I don’t really know why, as you can probably tell my heart hasn’t been in it for the past few months. The weird thing is I do enjoy it, But i am finding it a struggle to put into words what’s going on and why.

I feel a bit of a fraud at the moment I don’t have the time to try and convey what I fully feel about over weight riders. In a nutshell though if I was offered the ‘what if’ scenario to be thin I would take it in an instance (ok depending on the price).

I would then go tack Nas up and not think twice about riding him. Despite his recent lameness, cough and snot issues! As it is no one has offered me the proverbial solves all problems pill. Instead I’m still me sitting here typing about what I want to be doing rather than actually doing anything!.

So me sitting here harping on about the rights of plus sized riders, feels a bit funny! I think though my getting caught up in the politics of it all is what’s making me draw a blank on my own life. Actually no its the opposite I’m over analysing it all too much!

Yes I am over 300lbs and yes I want to ride, at the moment I am a bit too far over to even contemplate riding! Or am I is it other stuff making me hold back – don’t worry I wouldn’t seriously consider riding until Nas is back in condition- what I’m saying though is it my weight holding me back or something else?

I have really struggled with getting back on track with the diet, fruit and me just do not get on. Exercise is back to being limited by time and energy levels, I keep getting wrapped up in silly details which really should have no bearing on my day.

But they do and before I know it I’ve spent a good hour mulling over facts and figures! None of which are ever achieved.

What it all boils down to though is I don’t want to be fat! Sorry ‘over weight’ anymore. The bizarre thing is the more I scrutinise it the higher the figure on the scale goes! It’s like I’ve lost that ability to get on with life.

I’m back to thinking life will begin once I’ve lost the weight! Like the weight though I’ve decided I’m going nowhere and will try to update you a bit more regularly! I’m almost out of this recent meh mood! I know what I want to do and how to do it.

Now comes the hard part!