Yesterday I got into a txt discussion with my cousin, (Lurker). Hmm I might keep that as a nick name for her, pay her back for when we were at secondary school together she and her friend use to call me flump. Now when I think of flump I think of the sweets but she was referring to the popular TV programme ‘the flumps’
I can’t remember if it upset me or not. She has since told me she did it to try and push me into losing weight, so bless her heart was in the right place. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned before but me and my lurker (cousin) he he, pretty much grew up together. Most of the time we lived quite close and when we didn’t we use to talk on the phone all the time. We also went to 5 schools together. When we were around 12/13 we had ponies at the same yard, and use to hack out together to the local shop where we would spend all our money on sweets, we would buy 2 of everything. I can’t remember how much exactly but I recon there would of been at least 6 bars of chocolate each. – on one occasion we had bought so much it wouldn’t fit in our pockets so we got a plastic bag to carry it all in.
Mindy would of been about 5 at the time and getting on a 5yr old mare in middle of a street with a plastic bag is not a good idea, we ended up flying down the road full pelt. Luckily I managed to get control and still keep hold of the chocolate. – Back to it, we would then head home and hide in the hay barn with our stash. Well this would be a nice story to tell if she hadn’t stayed the same size throughout, and as for me I just got bigger and bigger, I don’t blame those chocolate bars for my weight problem or my lurker. I know at end of the day I put more in than I put out. I would go home and have fresh bread and butter, then my mum would most days cook a very nice dinner, macaroni cheese was one of specialities in fact most things she cooked were delicious. We would then think something was up if there wasn’t dessert.
So back to the purpose of this post, there are actually two parts to it the first one being she was questioning my diet plan, and did I notice that every time I was being good I reward myself by choosing something naughty. Now I don’t see it like this but I’m sure my tweets over the last few weeks probably do read like that. It has been a struggle to be good, and I’m forever searching for the magic formula (yes I know less in more out). That is all well and good and I could easily hardly eat anything.
Take today for example the scales say I’ve lost 3lbs woo hoo that’s great. But tomorrow I want the scales to say even less, chances are they will say the same, and worst case scenario they will say it’s gone back on. I sure as hell don’t want that, so in my mind I’m already thinking of ways to cut back even more. Do I really need the 100 or so calories in a glass of juice, that sort of thing? We all know that thinking isn’t healthy. What I am trying to achieve through this diet plan, is one where I’m in control, where I make the choices of what I eat or not. Not some Diet plan that says to lose weight I should have half a grapefruit every morning, and pine nuts on my pasta. I’m trying to share in my blog that you can lose weight by eating sensible portions sizes of the things you like even if it pine nuts! I actually have a real thing for peanuts, sweet or savoury I can’t get enough of them once I start. Hence I haven’t had any for a few days, but when we next have card night I fully intend to eat a bag of peanut m and m’s. Not one of the giant grab bags or even one of the standard treat size bags…. one is far too few and the other is far too many. I am going somewhere in the middle and I also know that something else will have to give that day. But I won’t make that choice until card night.
The second part kind of filters back to a comment I made in previous paragraph, about trying to maintain my current weight. I have to admit I have been envious of my skinny friends… they always appear to be able eat what I eat some even more – I have one friend who could eat £20 worth of Chinese takeaway to herself, in one sitting – through the years though I have come to realise this isn’t always the case (sure there are some who can) but then really can they, I know that I could easily eat 4 thick slices of toast and marmite. I’m sure my lurker could just about manage 2, so although it appears we are eating the same thing the quantities are completely different. And as for the friend with the Chinese she never used to eat all day but would have one big meal. I also use to think they were being funny when we would go out and they wouldn’t eat, I’ve also since been told that they really wanted to eat and would psycho analyze as much as I do. The difference is they would do it before they over ate, and I would do it after.
I also have another friend who has done really well and lost a load of weight recently about 7stone in total, she has said to me it never stops, the times we use to wish that if only we could wake up thin one day we would then be really good and never over eat again. It just doesn’t happen like that, she struggles everyday even more conscious of her weight now than when she was 17stone. The one thing I will say is she has never been big on exercise and that is where I want to find an activity other than riding that will help me achieve my goals, without me having to give up the treats.