No not heart burn, although I did have indigestion on christmas day. Which did surprise me seeing as I didn’t eat that much. I didn’t even get to nibble on the leftovers.

This year we only had 6 for lunch (compared to the usual 14, I naively thought it would be half the usual work) no chance if anything it was harder. Would of helped if I had bought ready done veg.

Oh well you live and learn…

Back to the burn, this is an inbuilt need to eat, something I seem to have no control over. Its where I want something, I’m not quite sure what so I then have everything.

As usual during the christmas rush I kind of eat as and when, invariably I start of being quite good thinking I shouldn’t fill up on too much chocolate and save myself for the main event.

Then usually by boxing day evening I well and truly have my junk food appetite fully stoked ready to eat everything I can think of. As my mum use to say I look for the ultimate taste experience.

Once I realise I’m not going to find it I then find I am craving junk, junk chocolate, junk food oh and chinese. I could quite happily sit down to a kg bar of dairymilk.

Yesterday I also noticed the frequency of my eating and the thought of food was constant along with feeling hungry, even after eating 3 doughnuts and a baguette I was convinced I was still hungry.

Its funny trying to gain back control when you have let everything go, in the mornings I’ve been having either a couple of chocolates or some shortbread biscuits with my coffee.

As my thoughts are now turning towards the new year and getting on with the horses, finally getting my weight down enough to feel comfortable riding. I figured I need to start cutting the extra’s out again.

Boy is it hard I did not want to do it this morning even though in my head and heart I knew I should try to be good I just couldn’t. Its like I’m not quite ready to get back on the wagon.

Maybe just thinking of being good is enough for now and one morning I will wake up and think ‘nope’ I don’t need that biscuit today.

The obvious thing would be not to buy any in the first place but I think that ‘the avoidance diet’ is not a true way to live your life I have a husband and son that both enjoy their biscuits.

Getting back on track will come, in the past 16 months I have been off the wagon more times than most and yet I am 4 stone lighter

I suppose the difference for me now is I know I will lose this weight and ride in 2012… Hope you all have a happy new year… X