Damn it, I,ve put on over half a stone, so much for heading towards 318lbs, I’m back to 328lbs. I won’t feign ignorance because I know how it happened. I decided to take another sabbatical over my sons birthday, why oh why. Can I not get that this doesn’t mean I can eat box after box of chocolate, and damn Tesco’s for having those cadburys truffles half price. and then yesterday 2 bags of kinder bueno eggs for £3. How can I resist such bargains.

The really really annoying part is, that when I am dieting and losing weight, I,m never what anyone would call a textbook dieter. I still have cakes and dessert, and takeaways on a regular basis. So why is it I keep taking these so called sabbaticals, I should just call them what they really are dieter,s sabotage. I seem to go all out, to stuff my face. I would like to say it’s because I haven’t had the nice stuff recently but in reality I have the week before last I had vienetta for dessert and i still managed to lose weight. It’s just craziness.

Not only do I ruin it for the period I am overeating, I,m also putting myself on the back foot for when I start being good again. It’s like starting over again, the ridiculous hunger pangs. The need to keep myself occupied because I know I will munch. It’s like I kick start the habit of eating uncontrollably again rather than kicking the habit once and for all. The really stupid thing is I know all this, yet I still do it. I still choose to eat too much and ruin all the previous effort I had put into getting myself in a place where I am in control of the food… Freedom from food…. Not the other way round where i have food freedom and eat what the hell I like.

So this morning I am trying to get back on track. I,m hungry right now as we speak and could easily have a blow out right now. Instead I am going to focus on the fact that the birthday week is over, and I need to start moving my butt more, everyday now i want to make sure I start walking the dogs again, do something with Nas, even if it’s just a quick flick over, ideally he will be coming back into work. I,ve got roughly four weeks to go until I intend to ride him.