I have to confess I haven’t been that good since Monday. Honestly I did try and in fact Monday I was pretty good right up until I had a large portion of steak and kidney pie. In fact on that day I had beans on toast, a piece of flapjack, the pie with chips and cheesecake for dessert. No snacking or binging but the scales weren’t happy with me on Tuesday.

Yesterday again I tried to be good and I was right up until I realised I had an hour to kill before picking Steve up from the station, I then had marmite on fresh bread, crisps, chocolate followed by McDonalds and more chocolate. I was in a grouchy mood yesterday as well; I didn’t actually get out to the horses until late afternoon. Which is a first for me, I at least go and check them first thing but for some reason yesterday it was all a bit too much.

On Monday in my defence I was in agony, the walk on Sunday had taken its toll my shins were in constant pain and my foot was bruised because whenever I moved it I felt pain across the top and not to mention the poxy horse fly bites I am now covered in.  So yeah I was feeling a little sorry for myself, typically it was only as I was heading to bed I thought damn I should have taken some pain killers for my aches and pains.

Then yesterday although I wasn’t aching as much I was still tender and very tired. Even my friend commented on how harassed I look on Monday, I just think it’s down to tiredness and the constant ness of having the boy on holidays. But still I made an effort to be good and didn’t have anything until about one when we had lunch, a ham and tomato sarnie. The thing is it just didn’t feel enough and I still felt hungry after.

And this is where I made a big mistake I ended up thinking hmm just having a sarnie isn’t enough I should make it into a proper lunch so I had some wotsits and the last piece of flapjack. I instantly felt bloated and knew I’d had too much. It’s such a pain because I then really didn’t feel like going out to the horses for the exact opposite reason of why I didn’t want to half hour before.  I did force myself to though and ended up exercising Nas and Spirit, I wasn’t happy about it and was grumping at them both as well.

So this morning I have woken up to being the same weight I was on Monday, with a massive hankering to start my day with a bowl of cereal. I mean proper hunger pangs which led to me thinking you know what I should have breakfast blah blah. Luckily I was in the car at the time and some time to think why!  I then remembered all the other times I had thought the same thing but it had only led me to thinking pah I’ve blown it now or worse the times I was halfway through the cereal only to realise half way through I didn’t actually want it.

I’m pleased to say the cravings soon passed when I really thought about it and it has also led me to be more determined to stick to ‘A sandwich’ at lunchtime. Also it’s made me think a bit more about my cravings and try to decipher them. this morning i didnt really want cereal I just didn’t want to diet. The crazy thing deep down  I do!