The following events actually took place on the 6th June 2002. But I thought rather than wait another week I would pull it forward. So that I’m ready to start June with a new style of blogging. (We shall see if I actually have time to get it all organised though).

Back to 2002… It was quite early I hadn’t been up long, since Ade had died my mum had been keeping me busy but I still couldn’t sleep in later than 7am. I’d spent a lot of time with her in the previous two weeks and we’d reached a new understanding, and were getting on better than ever.

There was a knock at the door, which was strange as anyone who knew me would come in through the back gate… As I answered it I could see a policeman’s hat and thought what now they have come to arrest me for Ade. He confirmed who I was, before breaking the news that my mum had died in the night- the doctor thinks it was a heart attack but won’t know more until autopsy- my first reaction was I didn’t believe him and thought it
was some cruel joke. That is until my brother rang me and said he’d had a policeman round as well.

My world literally stopped I couldn’t get my head around it, here I was a day before Ades funeral and now my mum had gone.  My dad came up as soon as he heard; we were both in shock and didn’t know what to say to each other.  I eventually got hold of a friend of my mum’s boyfriend to find out what had happened.

Apparently they had been out for a curry and my mum had had one to many, so she fell asleep on the bathroom floor – where she died in her sleep- the doctor said it would have been painless. She was only 43yrs old and just beginning to get her life settled again.

What followed in the next few weeks were the usual family feuds over belongings and what have you. Let’s just say the vultures were circling and once they had got what they wanted. Neither I nor my brother saw much of my mum’s side for the family for a few years.

What always surprises me in these situations is how people not only want to distort your memories but also to constantly make claim on the person that has died. It was almost like me and my brother didn’t count, what did count was they had lost a sister, friend, girlfriend, ex-wife. People who had always kept her at arm’s length were now making her out to be a martyr.

Me and my brother lost more than our mum that day.  We lost our family; we lost the one person that held us all together, the one person that loved us unconditionally. And vice versa, although we had our ups and downs we both knew mum would put us first and always be there for us.

It’s been 9yrs since all this happened and as I’ve said in the past it doesn’t get any easier. I still miss my mum like crazy; I get upset when I think she didn’t get to meet her two gorgeous grandsons. Or to see me finally in a happy place with someone I love more

I’m not very good at meaningful words; luckily John Lennon was when he wrote ‘In My Life’

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more