It wasn’t until I suddenly saw the effect this was having on the boy, I managed to snap out of it and quickly realised we are doing all what we can. And that no matter what, his happiness is more important. Since then I have been able to focus more on the boy and we are having much nicer time money or no money.

It appears the same principle is relevant with my diet; I put so much pressure on myself to lose weight and get fitter that more often than not it has the opposite effect and I burn out from it all. Which then only leaves me with one option, to eat?

Yep when my head is all fuzzy and I can’t think straight I eat, and what’s the worse thing I could do? Yeah you got it ‘eat’ because then I am just adding to the fuzziness and I get lost in a forest of self-doubt,loathing,confusion,depression all the negatives you can think of but hey c’mon at least I’m eating right?

Well no because when I live to eat, I’m not actually living!  I know it’s been said a thousand times before, but it’s true. When I eat I have no energy for doing anything, it’s then that everything goes out the window my fitness my, energy and my desire!  Plus the other benefit of being in a world of eating is I don’t have to deal with the negativity!

Deep down though I know I don’t want to be that person, the one that hides behind a tower of cakes, only to see the world from above and never really being part of it. I want to be down there in amongst all the people out living their dreams.

So it literally dawned on me this morning WHY! Why the pressure I know Nas can take my weight and yes I want to be fitter and lighter. But right now I know he can easily carry me and my big butt. So why put myself through the pressure mill of trying to lose the maximum weight in the shortest period.

Why not take the slow road and enjoy the journey rather than trying to speed down the motorway only to keep running out of fuel! So that’s it from now on I am taking that pressure off sure we need to be fit for our next challenge but I believe we have more chance of achieving our goals if I just stop the nonsense of trying to eat 2 meals a day and stick to my plan of eating regularly but not pigging out!