Now really this should be an easy task, but my laptop likes to make me sit and wait for things, sometimes even the words I have just typed! , Steve assures me it’s not the computer’s fault but actually my own. Pfft I don’t believe that, and so the cycle continues of me having first a pop at the laptop, which then leads to a heated discussion with Steve.

To me one of the most noticeable things since horses have come back into my life, the gadget obsession I had has slowly been squeezed out, obviously I have a mobile and yep I am one of these people who can’t survive without it. Last week we had a power cut for most of the day, so I took Horatio out after school, and my phone just died… it was saying full charge and then just cut out. I was not in a happy place.

There are so many factors that affect my daily mood. Even just the following day deciding on what to get Horatio for his birthday, put me into a Zen place. And left me with a feeling of calm. The problem is those moments don’t last very long because there is always something around the corner to tip the scales again.

You’re probably wondering what all this has to do with dieting and horses, well depending on what mood I am in, determines how good I am on my diet, as well as has a knock on affect to my relationship with Nas. I spoke before of frustration and even just pure downright depression. All these can come happen just because my mood was swung by an unrelated event.

I think that’s the downside of being a woman and hormones playing a big part in our lives.  On the other hand though at least we have that, men are expected to be the strong regardless. Whereas if we have a sudden little outburst you can put it down to time of the month etc.

So what I am trying to say is even though I have had highs and lows this past week, I have identified them and dealt with them, this time not with food. I think a lot of my past has been with me suppressing emotions with food. Yep that old cliché I’m afraid, but it’s true.

Even though gadgets have taken a back burner with me, I have found I am upping the Social media side of things. I’ll admit when I am in a particularly black place I find it hard to drag myself out of it, even to have an online presence. But if I keep an even keel I find that when there are times I could slip down into a dip.

Chatting online with people who are as passionate about me as Horses makes a big difference and even just recently I have been using Facebook more to converse with people.  I know some might think this as sad still, but believe me I thought that. I couldn’t help thinking back to people I have known in the past that would completely absolve themselves into their computers either on a game or a chat room.

Esp. my teenage stepsisters, trying to get a conversation out of them at times was hard – don’t get me wrong I was the same in my online dating days; I hardly looked up from my phone. But I know now that’s a different kind of obsession.

What I am finding is the more I chat and converse online with people the more confident I am to talk to people out of the blue, even yesterday I was chatting to a woman in the hairdressers. Believe me when I tell you I would have been the one just sitting there, looking everywhere but at them. Bizarre I know. Because honestly what had I got to lose.

Having a random good conversation   with someone is actually quite liberating. Literally this has just come to me, maybe all those times I joined diet clubs in the past and would just sit there trying to blend in and not make a fool of myself is one of the factors I never did very well at them.

All these little interactions I have now and the fact I am focusing more on Horatio than myself a lot of the time. Are helping me to keep on with the diet, even if I have a few days I still can’t believe how quick I pick up the reins again and keep at it.

Sure my weight loss has slowed down almost to a standstill.  But you know what I am pleased it hasn’t gone up. And every time I have one of these little revelations I know I am getting closer to my goals.

Right time to muck out and exercise my lump of a horse… who I hadn’t realised had put on quite a bit of weight with the reintroduction of haylage and sugarbeet… numpty me upped his feed just as I started to get busy and didn’t have time to exercise him as much :-s

Oh just to say the first time I got on they said 21^st12lb which is the same as yesterday. I’m trying to hold onto this thought and not go into a meltdown about the scales being broken so then that could mean I actually weigh more. If that is the case I think I will just cry!

Which leads me on nicely to I think it’s time to say goodbye to the scales –if they are on their last legs- I won’t be buying anymore I was hoping they would survive until I reached the 20st mark. I think in the past I have spent as much on scales as I have the diets themselves.  And right now I would rather buy Nas the Bucas cooler rug than new scales.

I also want to stop the number on the scales influencing my day… the first thing I think about in the morning is the scales, its much like waking up on Christmas morning. The difference is the excitement of the scales quickly fade often by the time my tummy grumbles around eleven.  And if not then its mid-afternoon when I am at my weakest and thinking what’s the point.

I want to change that sequence of events, I was going to say ‘I want to wake up excited about the day’ but again I am putting expectations onto The day that might not happen… generally I am happy and I love my life at the moment, of course we have some stress’s. But when I stop and think about things now I am in a much happier place than I have ever been.

So no more will I be letting the scales disrupt that happiness. Even though I have been sticking to my plan I have been pushing it a little bit and having big portions at lunch and dinner, plus the last couple of evenings I have had dessert. I’ve also got a bar of chocolate waiting for me in the cupboard – Saturday night treat -.  I feel at the moment I need this, it’s not about being piggy but my body needing a little bit more, I will cut it down as and when my body is ready.

I’m not saying I won’t ever be getting on scales again, if mine work tomorrow then I will continue as usual. If not I will go back to using the ones in boots/Tesco when I am out shopping occasionally I’ll then share it on here.

In the meantime though I will use my clothes, I have a pair of fuller fillies jean genie riding jeans  I would like to fit into (comfortably). I will try them on this evening and try to get a pic of how far off they are.

As much as I love chocolate.

What I call lunch… So hungry today, and I’m feeling the effects of having a few days off from mucking Nas out.

I was puffing up the field earlier when I got him in. Blooming weather doesnt help.

 It really is a fine line… in fact two fine lines’ there is one between being too hungry and content, and another between being content and stuffed… I know when I haven’t had enough a lot easier than I know I’ve had too much (here).

 The thing is I hate that feeling of being bloated – I know who doesn’t – but I really do I hate not having energy or motivation to do anything. I have got better recently and made myself work through moments like this… other times thought I just sit on my fat arse thinking… I’ll do it tomorrow.

 It’s also times like these that I really go off the rails, such as yesterday I knew I was due on any day just not when exactly so I should of recognised the signs and tried to resist the Cadburys bar, but because I had struggled through Saturday I was thinking oh well start again Monday… pfft.

 You already know why today is a funny day for me… add to that the aching muscles and two bedrooms in need of a spring clean. It’s no wonder I’m sitting here typing instead. Still these things can’t wait until tomorrow…

 Tomorrow is a Nas day…

Have you got anymore apples look…
When he realised the answer was no, he resorted to snorting all over me!

I’ve poo picked the fields, just gonna give Nas quick flick over before I go in and tackle the mountain of ironing.

I’m not the only one who’s put on a few extra pounds this month…

Decided to sod the housework and bath nas,s tail and hind legs after all…

Must remember to get some stain remover and MTG lotion for his scar.

It’s also taking me a little more time than I expected to get use to my new routine… It’s great I don’t have to be out the house now until half 8. And once I’ve exercised NAS and mucked out, I’m pretty much done. Actually my body is convinced it’s done and trying to do any in the afternoon is a struggle… We are a bit more stressed than usual with finances and dealing with asshole car insurance companies, just hoping it will get sorted this week I want my jeep back.

When I look back the last two weeks has been crazy busy, it’s no wonder I’m finding it hard to stay motivated. I’m desperate for a holiday and had just about convinced hubby a long weekend in Norfolk would be good, it’s just not feasible at the moment though. Ah well, maybe a trip out somewhere at the weekend if the weather is nice. I’ve got to try out my bargain picnic back pack… I got it from Tesco for £12.50 after I used a voucher it was £7.50 and it’s just as good as the ones that would set you back £35 or more.

Hopefully it will get lots of use next year at all the summer shows I’m going to take NAS too… Did I mention how good he is looking at the moment, at least one of us is sticking to a diet loll. I’ve been exercising him about 3 x a week and it’s paying off. I’m about to lunge him in the Pessoa after I drop Horatio off.

I haven’t ridden him since the last time in the outdoor school, I was hoping to over Easter and it didn’t happen. It’s my birthday next Monday so hopefully I will ride him around the field then, I just need to get on top of my diet… I can’t believe I let it go so much I put on nearly half a stone… Seriously there really is only one ‘diet wrecker’ I have to watch out for and that’s ME… I am my own worst enemy at times.