Its time of the month for me again, and i found hubby’s stash of snickers. These are one of my fave bars, the ice-cream version i have a proper addiction to. last summer i was buying a snickers extra every day from the local shop when i picked Horatio up from nursery… there was one day when i bought a box of them which were defrosting so i had to eat 4 in one go so as not to waste. I even tried to diet on giant snickers once; i bought a box from the cash and carry. I figured i would have one a day and that would be all I would have. Needless to say i didn’t stick to it. Out of sheer frustration from not being able to i seem to remember dumping most of them in the bin at work. You can bet i regretted it, when i was on my next night shift with no chocolate.

Thinking about that last sentence, it made me realise i used chocolate to get me through all the times i was doing something i didn’t want to do. I think I mentioned I use to work two jobs when I left school, 5days a week at a riding school and the other 2 at a catering company. The catering company won out purely because it paid 4x as much. I then moved over to the care side and that eventually led to me thinking I wanted to be a nurse (something my mum had always wanted to be). When that didn’t happen I was left doing a lot of shifts in nursing homes. At this time I use to fill a big hole with chocolate and sweets.

I’ve recently been thinking about getting a job that I can do around Nas and Horatio, one of my options is to go back into care working for an agency, the problem with these kind of jobs is that people rely on you and if there is no one else to go and see to a client you have a moral obligation to shuffle your life around so that you can do it. I really don’t want to go back to that; maybe it’s time I looked into doing something I would enjoy. Just what? The obvious is something with horses but there aren’t many jobs that pay ok. Also a lot of them want young school leavers who live in. oh and most wouldn’t employ a 23st groom lol.

I have no excuse for the chocolate I had last night and this morning, it was there I wanted it. So I had it, I’m not even sure I regret having it. On the other hand I still intend to be good for the rest of the day and stick to my plan. Oh and have a long hard think about what it is I want to do, my friend is of doing an equine bodyworker course soon, maybe I’ll look into that a bit more.