You would think from the previous paragraph I meant ‘stop’ as in sit back relax, no what I meant was just STOP EATING there was a sudden shift of being in control with my food to being totally of the radar bad, about an hour ago. This past week I decided I wouldn’t go all out to be good, not in the truest sense of the word. I would be good in the sense I would limit my quantities and not what I was eating.

So for the past 3days or so I have stuck to 2meals a day both with a dessert of sorts. Even yesterday on my birthday I kind of stuck with it, if you dismiss the shared starter and a small tidgy second pudding with an espresso (pizza express is a new fave of ours). Generally though I was good, most of the day with no snacking between meals.

I’ve been in a much happier calmer place the last few days; I had an amazing birthday with my friends and family. I’m off out for a long a-waited Indian tonight with some good friends. So why then have I just had a binge? Ok maybe the chocolate caramel crispy thing Steve bought me for my birthday which I had first thing with a coffee might not of helped but you would of thought having that would of helped me to at least get through until lunch? .

I should be so lucky, after getting Nas out an hour later than usual –school commitment- I then came in just before it turned cold and rainy. And thought hmmm I’m going to finish of the peanut butter snickers bar with a coffee! Bad Bad Mistake… this then led to 3 x snickers ice-cream a bag of pomme bear crisps and for good measure to bulk me out a cheese sandwich! Yes I now feel thoroughly sick and mildly dehydrated –which is something else I keep doing at the moment- Getting really thirsty!

I was all set to say sod it I might as well scrub all plans of being good until after the weekend, it’s not like I’ve lost any weight so what’s the harm. This is when I thought STOP I don’t want to be this crazed person trying to fit all my fave foods in, I don’t want to spend the next few days feeling thoroughly bleugh. And I certainly don’t want to gain weight. I have actually stayed the same since last Friday pretty much, despite the heavy going weekend and then the last few days which included cake and ice-creams.

Also today is not beyond redemption, if I stop now. There is no reason why I can’t go out tonight as planned and enjoy my Indian. Previous experience has shown I enjoy it more when on the straight than I do when it just part of another binge out. Plus normal people who know they are going out for a heavy meal would probably ease of eating all day, so what’s 8hrs in the grand scheme of things. It’s not like I don’t have loads to be getting on with to help the time fly.

Who knows if I stay busy I might even burn off a snickers or two, which is off course once the icky feeling has gone. I really feel if I pull this off and not let it be an excuse to carry on eating for the next three days. It could be a major milestone in my journey, having a binge out is not the be all and end all, they happen. life sucks at times, but it doesn’t have to ruin your life. I very much like the saying ‘it might of won the battle, but it hasn’t won the war’ at the moment. I like to think each little slip up as a battle but ultimately I am for winning the war.

I will stick on with the plan until Sunday. By Monday though I am going to rein it in a bit more and start to get serious. Everyone is coming back into work, me included.