– just thinking of track here, when I was younger I was desperate to go to boarding school- hmm tuck box lol.

So if I don’t handle it very well why then do I keep setting myself up for failure, it’s the same with certain diets that I know don’t work yet I still keep trying them (luckily since this blog I have moved past that, I still might consider them. Until I realise that would be detrimental to the ethos of this blog). Never fear I can still find other ways to let myself down.

Such as making a promise to myself like “I will walk the dogs everyday” or “I will lose such and such by so and so” and “I wont ride until I’m below 300” all stuff that has so many variables and outside influences that could stop me such as it’s been pissing down for a week, or a week of parties and socialising. The other thing I do is I forget to look at the whole picture or take it from another angle I get so set on the one track. I don’t give myself a fighting chance.

The “I,m not riding until I,m below 300” is a perfect example, when I get frustrated and disappointed the scales go, I then get determined and focused and the scales go down. Then i realise that damn it I still have another 7lbs to go and here comes another week of socialising. And besides even if I do get below 300lbs that’s still too heavy.

Pfft actually it isn’t, I was riding him -well not really riding, more plodding- but I was still on him and enjoying it, he seemed fine with me riding him. And I know he was enjoying the extra attention. He goes into a lil bit of a funk when he doesn’t get much attention. This morning when I put him out he wandered off down the field, so I got the mints out of my pocket and he high tailed it back to the gate… I decided to have a bit of a game with him and run along the fence line. He had a proper strop out with a spin, stamp and neigh. He got his mint in the end.

 I don’t think it can get much better than that, so why is it my scales disagree I got on them this morning and first of they weighed same as yesterday 311lbs, when I tried again a little later just before getting dressed they then said 310lbs -now I don’t know which one to take and tbh I don’t want neither of them.

 I’ve been pretty good since last Wednesday including Sunday when for the first time ever during a game of cards with my family I didn’t munch anything yep not one thing. I had a glass of orange juice and lemonade and sipped it throughout the evening, I’ve even shocked myself!

 In that time I have lost a total of 5lbs which when I think about it isn’t bad,   But for some reason on a day to day basis it isn’t good enough I’m desperate to be under 300lbs and before I went away I was at 308lbs I think. I was being naive thinking I could go away and not put on, especially when I think of my eating habits over the last few months I really wasn’t in any kind of routine.

 One of my biggest downfalls has always been not giving a diet a chance to take effect, or worse still not acknowledging that it is working. It’s then that I start feeling negative towards whatever plan I am on which then leaves me open to temptation on the understanding it doesn’t matter now this diet is crap and doesn’t work you need to find another one.

 Diets work as long as you stick with them, and don’t expect to wake up instantly ten pounds slimmer. And you have to be honest with yourself, I knew last night having the extra fajita was too much But I still ate it. And because of that bad call doesn’t mean my plan isn’t working or that I won’t lose weight today if I’m good.

 There is this no man’s land that I have found myself constantly stuck in over the years I’ve probably been there more times than I have been on an actual diet. It’s the bit between dieting and not dieting, it’s the trying to decide what diet to follow what’s the easiest, fastest diet to follow. The amount of times I searched for how to lose a stone in a week on the Internet is crazy, or the magazines I have bought to get the latest so called no fail plan.

 I would then head to the supermarket only to buy foods that I really don’t like (grapefruit, pine nuts and rice cakes are at the top of this list) Guess what I have lost weight and not touched any of those. 9 times out of ten, as soon as it got to eat a food I don’t like I would break the diet. Have a massive pig out because you know I had gone without for so long… usually a day lol.

 And then the search would begin again, in the meantime every day I would eat as if I was about to start a strict diet the next day. Even though it could often be a few weeks before I started another one. It would be these interim periods When I would have a brainstorm and think the key is to losing it  is steady and over a period of time.

 I was half right but it was these times I would join a slimming club fully believe I would be able to eat weight watchers cakes and not feel like I was missing out. Out would go the branded foods and in would come the lightest ever version. Only for me to once again fail, realising cardboard tastes just as bad as grapefruit!

 This diet has worked enough for me to lose 3stone so far ok it’s nearly a year but hey. The main reasons I feel this is working for me because like the saying goes ‘you got to get back on that Horse’ in my case horse = diet = riding said horse (“,)

And because I refuse to replace my diet with foods that i dont like or just dont taste right. I am eating the foods I enjoy just less of them.

 His however took a while to come out and i had finished mine by the time he got it. He then realised it was goats cheese, which he doesn’t like and offered me the other half. I was quite good for about five minutes and then i caved and ate most of it. ok that wasn’t really enough to completely ruin my day but the thought of limiting my dinner choice wasn’t sounding appealing, plus i wasn’t sure what to have now. I had planned on pizza. But i had just had something similar to pizza… just a bit more of an artisan one compared to pizza hut type pizza.

Another thing i didn’t do yesterday was any exercise; the poor dogs haven’t been walked now for about 3days. I feel really guilty but my energy just hasn’t been there. I think all the extra eating has whacked me out. either that or it’s because i have been having a mass clear up (again). My legs are killing me today from walking up the stairs and carrying stuff to and throw. I am glad to report though the house is finally getting there we can see the whole of our bedroom floor now. I’ve just got to go back over Horatio’s room. And then clean throughout. Woo hoo.