To cream eggs! I made the mistake of looking at the calendar and working out how long it was until some significant dates -BAD Mistake-. I worked out it was 6 weeks this Sunday until the in hand show my friend wants me to aim for. And then just by chance it’s another 6weeks until its mine and Nas’s 5yr anniversary when I am aiming to take him to the beach.

Obviously neither of those things will happen if I keep eating like I did yesterday.  5 cream eggs and a snickers to mention just a few of the bad things I ate. I don’t know why I do it I see a nice round number like the 6weeks and think it gives me leeway for a few days!

Oh and the other possibility almost a certainly is, Sunday/Monday will come along and I won’t manage to get back on to it. And will lose the deadline, leaving me with but one option: to wait until the next significant date.

Don’t worry though I have seen reason this morning and know that if I keep eating like that I could be well on my way back up to  23st. the other negative was I got absolutely nothing done yesterday at all. I mucked out and that’s pretty much it:-s … I really can’t afford to lose time like that anymore. I have so many little things I want to do.

And even though these are all things I put on myself I realise now it makes me feel uneasy if I don’t get done what I planned to do in a day. It really is quite bad the time I think of as shut down time actually isn’t because I am spending the time going over what I could have got done.

It all comes back down to not living in the moment, I spend a lot of my time avoiding doing something and then the rest of it thinking back to it and giving myself a bit of an internal bashing. When I do just get on a do stuff I feel so much better about myself.

It’s payday weekend which is always a struggle to resist the urge to eat out and treat ourselves, I’m not going to fight it though or fully flaunt it. I am aiming to enjoy myself but still end up less on the scales.

So my new plan for the next few days is to be good (kind of) with the intent of being full on good from Monday.  This means 2meals a day with dessert and then after that I will cut out at least one of the desserts.

Nas has new shoes today and will coming back into work over the weekend, I shall be taking pictures to show you all hopefully a before and then one from our first show together. It’s going to be scary and I hope he behaves, But also will be the beginning of an era for us.