I’ve been trying to sit down and write this post since Sunday, I can’t say it’s just been an issue of finding the time. Although it is part of the reason. Mainly though it’s a case of just when I feel like I’ve got what I want to say in my head it goes and I’m back with that lost feeling.
Firstly let me just say my weight has sprung up to 22st 7lbs. really not the direction I want it to go in. ah that reminds me about what I’ve been trying to say. With reference to the title do you want to hear something depressing, well depressing to me at least.
I was looking over some old charts I did last year basically I did a excel sheet of my weigh ins that I had posted on twitter. Just to get an idea of how, where and when I lost weight. I was looking them over when suddenly it dawned on me, I’m still hovering around the same weight I was over a year ago. In fact it’s probably more like 15months.
Now that is depressing I have been on and off the diet more times than my head can cope with. I even got down to 21st8lbs at one point but now I am heading back towards 23 stone. Something I really don’t want to happen. Even that official half a stone I have just put on is beginning to affect me.
Although some of it could be general stress. However my fitness levels are completely shot, I was walking a good couple of miles no trouble before. But now even walking the few hundred yards to the school is getting harder with each pound that goes back on. I hate that my breathing has been getting worse again as well.
And despite my best efforts of trying to get into a routine, it’s just not happening. One minute I think the horses are living out the next I am bringing them in –for a reason- but still even if I did get into a routine. It will all be changing in the next 2 weeks.
When the boy is home for the summer holidays (don’t tell anyone this but apart from when he was born I think 6weeks of full on boy time will probably be the biggest chunk of one on one time I have had with him) don’t get me wrong I love him to pieces. But in the past I have always tried to have everything done for the times it’s just me and him.
But now living where we do that just isn’t possible and I won’t be able to watch his every move like I did in the past. I’m going to have to be on the yard when he is about. Hopefully though he will come out and play, but I won’t force him if the weather is crappy. And equally the thought of spending six weeks in the house, does make my head spin.
so yeah not in the best of places right now…