Is a good analogy of how I feel right now, except my heart is intact and as corny as it sounds the love I have with my two boys is the one think that’s stopping me from seizing up altogether.

It’s been happening for a while now depressed mood plus weight gain equals feeling completely pissed off. Oh and add a little stress about your animals into the pot. And I end up a mixture of anger and emotions.

Just quickly Nas isn’t right again, he’s finding it hard to turn correctly on the near fore. I clipped his feathers last week and noticed his feet weren’t in great shape. So I have a new farrier coming out Wednesday. Full post to follow.

I ache all over, my shoulders still hurt my legs hurt my breathing is worse than it ever was. Bending is getting harder, everything from getting off the sofa to walking the short distance the school.

And what’s worse, I don’t feel particularly motivated to do anything about it, despite the two new equestrian exercise DVD’s I have sitting on the side. Or the 3 dogs that wouldn’t mind a walk.

You know it’s bad when I struggle to get on top of the housework, I’m ok with keeping the kitchen etc clean. Our bedroom however is a different story it’s now at the point where you don’t know where the dirty washing ends and the clean starts.

Of course this all goes hand in hand with what’s going on with Nas and fact I am struggling with getting back on track. I might not of been entirely good over the past week but I certainly have each day a fresh shot.

Last night I realised just how bad it had got, the boy fell out of bed. And I struggled to get of the sofa quickly, that worried me and took me back nearly 3yrs. Ok in past few months my weight might of been creeping back on. But I was pretty sure my mobility was still better.

It so isn’t, and I need to do something about it like yesterday! So despite the weather and the aches and pain I’m going to start pushing myself again. I’ve got myself in a right rut! I need to be active to not think about food so much.

Otherwise I’m a sitting target, with no energy to do anything other than eat -ironically I can always find the energy to go to the kitchen- which is actually where all this came to me last night as I was struggling to get a shoe of the dog.

I’m going to start small though, first things first I need to sort my bedroom out! I’ve let myself go totally recently my hairs a mess I’m wearing a mixture of clean and creased clothes. I have no pride in my appearance.

When I say everything is a chore I mean everything from showering to getting dressed. That is why first on the agenda is to get my shit together sort myself and the house out! Then I will be ready to tackle the bigger issues.

Wish us luck tomorrow, my main concern at mo is having a sound happy horse.