24th May 2002…

Great it’s raining and I haven’t bought a coat, no way am I going to be able to walk the mile to campus without getting wet. I’ll have to pop home and grab my coat… Just wish Paula would hurry up and relieve me of my shift so I can get going.

Typically she’s late, which will make me even later. Hopefully I won’t get caught speeding. As I go through the back gate I notice Ade’s bike that’s strange he should be at work by now. I go into the house calling out but there’s no reply, the dogs are running round excited to see me.

As I head up the stairs Ade is in the spare bedroom, it looks like he’s going in into the loft. I call out what are you doing your late for work… It’s then I see he’s not climbing into the loft hatch but hanging from it, I grab at him to try and take the weight but it’s no good I can’t hold him and release him at the same time. He’s got a dog choke chain round his throat which is connected to a seat belt. As I grab him he turns around, I can see there is no life there.

I run downstairs… Grab a knife and my phone. I phone my mum while starting CPR. Omg I’m trained to deal with emergencies and haven’t rung an ambulance, they are on the way. And my mum is on her way back from Devon. CPR isn’t working I can’t feel a pulse; my friend turns up just as the ambulance arrives.

They send me downstairs and start to work… Although I already know the answer. There’s nothing they can do, he was already dead. At this point I’m sitting in the chair hugging the dogs, saying all sorts. Finally the police arrive to ask me and the ambulance staff some questions. I got angry when they insinuated I hadn’t done CPR.

I had to wait until the funeral parlour came to pick up the body. Mum had just turned up and was trying to keep me sane… Eventually they took his body and I was left in a state of shock. I can’t face telling his mum, so the police are going round to break the news.

Mum is worried that I shouldn’t be in the house on my own, so I go down the pub with my friend… Ironically while I’m there I get texts from her boyfriend saying “I hope you’re happy, this is your fault, and you did this to him”.

That night I insist on going back to the house… I have my dogs to keep me company. I couldn’t sleep; I just lay there thinking why… there was no note, he was dressed for work, he’s fed the dogs and put the post on the side… so WHY.

When we spoke the previous night he showed no signs that he was that low. Ok a little upset but nothing that would have made me think he was capable of taking his own life…