So it’s been a few days since my last post, and I have to admit there was a point there when I thought I would just shut down the blog and not post again. I have been in such meh mood that finding the right words to type or even the right time to type have been impossible. Right now even the boy has just come down with a pinball toy and its not even half seven in the morning.

The other thing is I always struggle with where I am going with this blog on the one hand I am sharing my weight loss journey -ok maybe not so much of that recently- and then on the other I am trying to say its ok to be overweight and ride a suitable steed, oh ok there hasn’t been much of that going on lately either.

Argh so you can see why I keep losing my way. And the really frustrating thing is they are the two things I really want to do, Lose a bit of weight and ride my horse. Yet they are also the two things that always get put onto the back burner while I tidy the house, sort the boy out, stress about making money. Or just generally out with the family enjoying ourselves a little too much. Which then takes me back to stressing about money.

I have been so busy this last week I literally have not had the time to stop and type even a single tweet. Every evening I’ve been saying I will do some eBay listing but then I find an excuse not to. Well that’s not true I’m usually too tired and just crash on sofa until its bedtime. Except for last night when I just went straight to bed, despite being up a couple times with horrendous period pains. I do feel slightly more refreshed this morning, although that could be to do with the espresso and chocolates I just had for breakfast.

But on a plus note it has given me the oomph to write a quick post and say what’s been going on. I have been trying to stick to my plan but then cadburys like to throw a spanner in the works by bringing out three new choccy bars. Or the mother in law kindly bought me a box of Lindt chocolates up. Or I just lose the plot completely and eat everything in my path. I’m also still struggling with the thought of not eating with Steve of an evening.

So I don’t know for sure yet, but I am pretty certain I am just going back to the original way I did it. And just try to hold out until he gets home from work. I think one of the key points is I shouldn’t plan on a meal I’m not that keen on. When I do that it only leads to disappointment, oh and kitchen cupboard raiding. I’ve been caught up in that vicious dieting circle recently. Actually there is more than one.

The first one was the more I struggled to diet the less I did on the yard or generally, the horses were out for the summer and the dogs haven’t been walked so my fitness levels have gone and now I’m at the stage where doing anything is a struggle again, I ache my feet hurt and I feel exhausted.

And the second one the less I did the more I eat. This one is evil because the more you eat the less you want to do. Then you want to eat more and so it goes on and on.

Last week I thought I had it back in control and then I lost it again that’s when I had thoughts of shutting it all down. But then I realised that’s not what. Its not just about the losing weight it’s about the riding and having horses in my life. Whilst still be a plus sized girl, I am never going to be the perceived perfect riding shape, I’m too short and my arms and legs aren’t long enough to achieve the perfect position.

But you know what who cares I don’t ride for others to say wow she looks good, I ride because there is no other place on earth that can give me as much joy than on the back of a horse. So despite the blog being called diet to ride. I want it to be more about the horses and riding rather than how many calories I have consumed.

Sure I am still going to try to stick to the diet but I think I will try and keep it on the back burner, I know what I have to do to lose weight, same as you all know the best way for you to lose weight, just say NO and stick to it. And despite wanting to be a credible resource for plus sized riders I also have to accept I do need too lose weight to ride effectively and the same goes to getting fitter, all of those will help me and my riding.

No I won’t be living on carrot sticks, but nor will I be bloating myself out on carbs any more. Balance is key. Oh and saying NO to the little extras – whenever you/or I think hmm one won’t hurt or why can’t I have it I’ve been so good – that is exactly the time to say NO. When I was on a roll with the diet I remember rather than sitting there constantly thinking about what food I wanted I use to just say NO i want the scales to say less in the morning more.

So that’s it quick update and pep talk (to myself)… Hopefully a snazzles update coming soon.