I’m so tired this morning – well that’s what I think I am- it must be surely, my eyes are achy and feel half open. I feel lacklustre and have no oomph in me today. Oh hang on it’s not me that’s the weather I just described. Literally as I am sitting here I am seriously considering getting one of those SAD lamp thingies.

Yesterday ok the weather wasn’t great GREAT it was better there were elements of sunshine and no real breeze/wind so being outside was comfortable I even remember walking up to the school in just a vest top. Today just looking outside makes me feel cold and want to turn the TV and mong out in front of it with a bar of Cadburys.

What a difference to yesterday where I actually held out until lunchtime before having a fried egg sandwich toffee yogurt and glass of appetizer. Which was enough to see me through exercising Nas and Mo before the boy rode spirit after school. It’s safe to say despite the snickers on the way to picking Steve up, yesterday was a good day!

To be honest it needs to me my weight has shot up to 24st 10lbs (with clothes on) I know! It would be naïve and rather irritating of me to say I don’t know how it could have happened. Of course I know how! Not enough exercise and way too many large bars of Cadburys. I suppose I could sit her and wallow in my misery while moaning and groaning about my life.

But I’m not going to, I’ve eaten too much I need to cut it back while finding the motivation to be more active again. It’s no lie the weather doesn’t help and if I had a choice I would quite easily watch films and eat all afternoon. I don’t have a choice though I want to ride I want to get the weight of be fitter and enjoy myself beyond the living room again.

This is exactly what I told myself yesterday as I was struggling to not eat anything while I prepped the boy’s tea and tried to keep busy so I wouldn’t start raiding the cupboards. Luckily there really isn’t much in them worth raiding and making something was not going to give me that instant gratification, hence the snickers on the way to picking Steve up.

Yesterday felt so easy I got to lunchtime fairly easily and once I’m half way through the day I know my chances of sticking to my guns are increased. And they were despite going back into the supermarket for some milk etc.; I resisted buying another chocolate bar. I was fully intent on holding out until dinner.

So even with the snickers and a small slice of vienetta after dinner yesterday I lost 3lbs, Yay! You’d think wouldn’t you? Nope yesterday might as well as not happened according to my mood. I decided to have a bowl of cereal this morning. With the intention of it helping me get through until lunchtime, with enough energy to do the horses etc.

Yeah right all it’s done is make me think more about lunch in a kind of I’m full and bloated but still hungry way. I’m struggling for sure, I did manage to go and get the horses in ready for exercising later. All the while trying to convince myself it’s not a good idea to bring lunch forwards a bit. I just know if I do that it won’t end on a positive.

To me it feels like loading a gun –having breakfast- and then the trigger is when lunch is bought forward. Before I know it I will be down the shop stocking up on chocolate or worse case I’ll be in the kitchen making cupcakes. Right now I don’t know where today is going to end up. I do know I have 2 ponies and Nas who all need exercising.