Is anyone else watching the series?  I can say i was a fan of steps or any of the other pop groups around in my twenties (except boyzone and thats a whole other story), but i can bet you i know most the words to the songs!

regardless of what i thought of them as a group… i had a personal issue with Claire Richards one normal friday evening, they happened to be on the tv and my boyfriend at the time made an obvious – not sure if you would call it a grunt – hmm lets just say everyone in the room knew at that point he liked claire richards Alot.

i’m not sure if i can say i was hurt, maybe a little surprised at his reaction. and then i couldnt help the thought creep in about it being because she was skinny, ridiculously skinny. now i hadhad my fingers burnt by a particularly skinny fiend, who made a play for my boyfriend in the past. add to that the fact i was overweight, left me feeling pretty crappy about myself.

and yeah when i first saw the pictures of  claire with a bit of weight on i couldnt help but think yeah hah ‘welcome to the fat world”, but then i watched her show the one about losing weight for her wedding. in the end i was rooting for her to fit into the dress. and to have the wedding of her dreams.

and now she’s back with another show, which again i enjoy watching. i think because i see a lot of myself and my awful food habits… when i saw her buy the bacon double cheeseburger i knew we had an affinity, but obviously what with me being 10st heavier i order the xl bacon double cheeseburger!

Alert Burgerking- if you bring back the mushroom double swiss (normal size) i will choose that over the xl bacon double cheeseburger, thus saving me calories and possibly a few pounds of the NHS funding that i am supposedly using. p.s promise i want order 2 (“,)

so back to it ( I think the costing the NHS argument is for another day). she’s a busy mum of 2, who appears to be happy with her life except for confidence issues and an eating habit that is getting out of control. the difference to me is she is trying really trying a hell of a lot sooner than i did. there was a period as i said in my twenties when i just gave up. and yeah i got what i deserved i suppose.

i was eating for england, i wasnt exercising. hmmm i wonder why? depression, exhaustion, stress, anxiety. who knows but i did, and i’m paying for it now.

at the end of the day it boils down to fact we use food as a substitute. for Claire its for not being able to  having the A listers body to go with the voice, and a normal family life with kids. for me other than my weight there has been two main things that have really affected me over the years Money and Hirsutism as a child i grew up in a family that lived hand to mouth. And from my teenage years i have suffered badly with excessive hair.

these two things have dominated my life as much as dieting. you might see the theme that lack of money meant i was never able to afford lazer hair removal.  the only solution in my price range is vaniqa cream, this works but at £75 for a small tube is not something i can always justify – really trying not to start that NHS argument –

Back to the show… i’m enjoying it because it seems like she is going on a bit of a journey to find the answer’s… i do feel like saying tried that, tried that, that didnt work either. but this is something everyone needs to go through. losing weight is a personal choice and you cant get any more personal than how we choose to do it.

so for her doing it on tv and being genine about it is a big thing, its not like the biggest loser where i feel these people have given up their personal choices to follow the rules of a show. or supersize vs superskinny… this i liked in th beginning but has since lost its way and now just seems a name and shame show to me. ooh sorry name and shame with a smile show.

being in the spotlight like that  must be hard though, she will know her fans are behind her trying to be supportive and then you will have the trolls that just want to shame her. and will use any opportunity to do so. plus as much as the magazine said people dont want to see fat girls in their magazines. they do they want to compare and once they are happy with knowledge they are smaller than claire richards who was once in steps!

they can be smug. now this isnt because they are nasty or just plain old bitches, its because they need to feel good about themsleves as well. there is so much pressure nowadays to fit in and fitting in means you are a certain size body shape that can wear this seasons styles that are model on bodies most of us can only dream about.

i couldnt handle that public side, just the few times i have opened myself up for ridicule on the world wide web, i’ve had to go and hide for a few days after. to wake up and not know what could be in the daily papers about me, must be a horrible thing. even if the majority of people are supportive it only takes one nasty comment to make all the the others meaningless.

i think one of the worse comments i have ever had was “get bariatic surgery” really why? is my weight bothering you that much? you feel you have the right to say i potentially risk my life for a surgery that may or may not work for me?

I hope claire either succeeds in losing weight, or accepts herself for who she is now.